redd (mynewhero) wrote,

  • Music:

Wine, Whine, Wine

Crete was... Crete was a package holiday y'know? Which meant the Crete part wasn't exactly relevant. It was nice; sun, sea, cheap booze but our town of Gouves only existed to facilitate tourism, you couldn't swing a cat without hitting an Irish Bar, Full English Breakfast or a Bratwurst (no euphemism implied).

Real English!!

The resort seemed to specialise in the elderly tourist which was fine by us. I just wanted to lie in the sun, hopefully turn a darker shade of alabaster, get horrendously drunk on the very very cheap wine and be passed out in bed by 11. How naïve we were. As always with such a large concentration of The Elderly there was, of course, DRAMA!

wine: where you had to buy the plastic bottle separately as it was more expensive than the contents. Ice cold local beer, sun and chewy fresh bread = heaven.

The power went on Wednesday and this being the land of Well Thought Out Design the water, being controlled by electric pumps, went too. I couldn’t have cared less, to be honest I didn’t even notice until the next day but oh dear god the moaning. People would shout out town-crier-esque from their balconies ‘still no goddamn water, I can’t even bloody see in here, it’s a DISGRACE!’. By Friday the aged ones were preparing to lynch the poor Budget Travel Rep who was due to visit that afternoon.

Bouzuki Night!

I’m pretty sure every country must have a radio show that all the old moaners ring in to shout or cry their grievances. One where the host has enough clout to get the manager or owner of the company responsible for the slight on-air to give them a humbling ear-bashing from a multitude of callers. Well in Ireland it’s the Joe Duffy Show and the elderly assault on the Budget Travel Rep and the managers of our hotel was just like a live action Joe Duffy Show minus Joe and, sadly for the Rep, the physical distance the airwaves allow.

this little fucker flew right into my face the first night we arrived. MY FACE!

The Rep had made some off colour remarks on our first day in an attempt to be laddish or what have you so I certainly wasn’t about to defend him. Besides I smelled COMPENSATION. It was awesome; I think I now understand the appeal of the Colosseum. Easily the highlight of our holiday.

ok, maybe this ice cream was the real highlight. That's a Greek flag bustin' out sparkles, I know, I to was AGOG!
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